Everywhere dusty, everywhere grimy.

I'm noticing that my surroundings are majorly bumming me out.  My steering wheel has finally begun to lose it's luster -- I knew it would when I purchased a vehicle with a white leather steering wheel -- but it makes me sad to see the dark spots from oil.  Same with the little scrapes and such along the inside of the roof from using it to move a few times. 

Same goes for my apartment -- there are so many spots on the carpet from Peachy "accidents" that are never quite the same even after I put some elbow grease into them.  And let's not forget that I live in a shoebox of an apartment with a cat whose toilet doesn't "flush".  My litter box is self-cleaning and I try and stay on top of cleaning out the reservoir/spraying/SPRAYING AGAIN but it's a major source of insecurity.  I don't want to be in the Hoarder category for my friends/family!  And then there's dust - everywhere! On my ledges, on the lampshades, on the sink, in the crevices and corners of the bathroom, kitchen, front stoop.  I sweep, but I've never been much of a housekeeper.  It depresses me to see all of that everywhere!

And something is going on with my complexion - I have been blessed most of my life with clear skin and now can't seem to shake these craters on my face that won't go away no matter how much I scrub and are only augmented (in my opinion anyway) when I try to cover them up with makeup. 

So why is this making it's way to my blog about health?  I'm beginning to believe that my surroundings are just as important as the food I eat and the workouts I get accomplished.  When I feel grossed out (let's keep it real folks) by my apartment, I don't like to get up and walk around in it.  I just sit down, put my feet up, and stare at this screen.  And then I notice a smudge on the glass, grit between some of the keys, or an ant sneakily marching between F7 and F9 and even THAT becomes too much.  I've also noticed that I sleep less because I won't let myself just go to bed - I keep telling myself that I'll clean something up/knock something off the list/workout if I just stay up for another 30 minutes...and then it's 3am yet again.  And when I stay up like that, I give myself more latent hours to fill with food, depressing thoughts, and unrealistic expecatations. 

My first impulse is to throw money at it.  I'm seriously considering having a cleaning lady come and help me hit the restart button -- but I don't know if I can even get things clean enough for HER to come clean in the next week or so.  And okay, so she comes and cleans (and for shame Heidi - it could be a he) - how's that take care of the Peachy situation? There really isn't a solution for that I suppose - it's not like Peachers can help it and I love him way too much to consider any other scenario.  And what will keep me from letting it get like that again?  Can I talk myself into better behavior? What in the world keeps others motivated?

Am I just lazy?
Is it all that simple?

I feel like it's all connected and jumbled up inside.  *sigh* who knows.  Maybe I'll make like a cleaning schedule or something. 

Groan.