I can't say I've never incorporated Christ into my approach to weight loss. In fact, I'm sure gaining my health and controlling my approach to food are in the top five topics He and I discuss. And have discussed since I was, like, 10 years old.
What I can tell you is that this is the first time I've felt mature - emotionally and theologically - enough to listen to him fully as I approach this demon again. I can recognize the discouraging moments as the devil's playground instead of proof that I will not succeed.
When I began posting on this wall again a few weeks ago, I realized that this exact month for the past several years I have begun a weight loss journey again. It was so depressing to look down into the murky cesspool of my past attempts and failures at weight loss and see ANYTHING similar to this new beginning. While I can't deny feeling those doubts, I was able to immediately recognize them as a lie. And it got me excited. Really excited.
If the road you're going is hard, chances are you're doing something right. The devil leaves you alone when he's already got you.
In my experience, as long as that pain comes with a feeling of accomplishment and reward when I've come through it -- instead of a further feeling of worthlessness or despair -- then the path has been given to me from God and every thorny bush I push past is just helping to scrape off some part of me that was in my own way.
If you're hurting just to hurt, suffering daily with no sense of personal growth despite the pain, then you're playing martyr and need to get on up out of that mess...whatever it is.
I'm in the Max Phase of the Advocare 24 Challenge at this point - maybe day 13 or 14 - and I haven't seen an ounce more of weight loss since Day 7. I haven't been able to measure myself (just not possible to be accurate when you're as big as I am going solo), and will do that Monday when Jen is here...but I am here to tell you seeing that scale stand stubbornly still made me chuckle tonight. I spoke to the solitary air the devil was self-assuredly lingering in and said "Go ahead and mock me. I know I'm winning."
I feel different guys. I have energy. I'm not in as much pain. The pain I am experiencing is productive. It's so wonderful to hurt because you did squats and not because you just sat in one place too long. It's unbelievably awesome to have a stitch in your side because of push ups instead of hurting because you bent over to pick something up and your own internal organs were pinched by your fat. My clothes fit better - I can't say they're loose, but they actually button and zip and don't rip! It may be too much information, but I'm telling you because I have to believe it helps in some way -- to encourage you not to get to my point, or to tell you there's someone else in your shoes doing something about it. When you weigh nearly 400 pounds, just covering yourself decently - or supporting the weight in a way that the world doesn't get sick about seeing - is a full time job. I cannot wait to be able to get dressed in the morning without an acrobatic performance. To put on my shoes in less than 15 minutes. Advocare is already making a difference in the pain aspect of these preparations, and I know that I will see the results long term.
But all that said, it isn't about a product or a process. It's about people. People loving me enough to tell me that I'm worth coming out from under all this fat and being seen. People working right beside me - whether I'm a stranger or their sister - to fight the same fight for themselves and the people they love. People praying for me, surrounding me with positive energy and love. And a savior who has already saved me from every enemy that could put themselves against me. Claiming that shield will change your life - no matter what the adversary is in it.
Onwards!
When I am overwhelmed, You alone know the way I should turn. Psalm 142:3
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